Developing Self-Discipline the Easy Way – Part 1

Something inside us cringes a little when we hear “willpower” or “self-discipline.” For one, it usually means you’re talking about denying yourself something you want, or doing something you don’t want to do. But I don’t think that’s what really leaves the bad taste in our mouths. I think the most distasteful aspect of self-discipline is that it also reminds us of past failures.

Most people throw the word around like it was a magical fairy that could be summoned to wash away all your desires, cravings, and bad habits. “Have trouble getting out of bed for your morning routine? The answer is self-discipline.” While this is at least partially true, self-discipline is more of a skill than a trait and if you expect that you will be able to just “have a little willpower (this time),” you might be setting yourself up to fail.

The good news is that anyone can develop self-discipline. And if you take a gradual approach, it can be easy and painless… but no one says you have to let everyone in on that little secret when they’re praising you for how disciplined you are and how they just don’t have that kind of willpower.

If You’ve Always Given In To Most Of The Desires You’ve Had, Developing Self-Discipline Could Take A Little Time

If You’ve Always Given In To Most Of The Desires You’ve Had, Developing Self-Discipline Could Take A Little Time!

If you’ve always given in to most of the desires you’ve had, developing self-discipline could take a little time. And who could blame you for having given yourself the things you wanted when you wanted them up to now? After all, the world is structured in ways that restrict your desires enough as it is; right? But sometimes one desire gets in the way of another, and if you can’t ever choose the long-term win over the short term impulse, then you end up without the power to really “choose” at all, and your impulsiveness becomes just another restriction.

There are two sides to the development of willpower: doing what you should be doing, and not doing what you shouldn’t. Let’s start with the latter today.

Postpone your Impulses

Don’t jump on the “That’s it, I’m done, I’m always going to exert self-discipline from now on” bandwagon and expect yourself to suddenly have the willpower of an ascetic. If you want to develop self-discipline, you have to start slowly. Start by postponing things, rather than outright denying yourself them.

Don’t just postpone “for as long as you can” either. Set a specific target amount of time, say 10 to 30 minutes when you first start, and don’t break that commitment once you’ve set it. There’s no real reason why you can’t postpone something you want for 20 minutes or so. Slowly work your way up from 10 to 30 minutes; until you’re postponing until the next day or longer.

Accept the Way You Feel

As you learn to postpone what you want, you will learn the second trick to developing self-discipline: accepting the feelings. During those 10 to 30 minutes you will have to sit with that discomfort of wanting without having. But, since you know what you want will still be coming, it won’t feel as final or as restrictive and you will slowly get used to that feeling. After a while, wanting without having won’t feel as bad as it did when you first started. When that happens, you’ll be able to postpone for longer and, in turn, will get more practice accepting the feeling.

That’s it. It’s no more complicated than that. Postpone your impulses for a little while longer each time, and get used to the feelings associated with having to wait for what you want. That’s really all there is to it. Before you know it, you’ll really be able to choose between when you want to treat yourself and when you would prefer to pass on an impulse. And, as anyone who’s ever stared at a frozen cake in the freezer at 8:30 in the evening knows, that can be the difference between getting fit fast, and staying locked in the same old patterns.